On a Steel Horse I Ride

In case you were wondering. . .

2004-10-19T00:41:54Z

"There is no beer in heaven, that's why we drink it here."
-a resident at work.

Ha! Proof that I AM the Mary

2004-10-06T18:02:55Z

Hey Patch! Look! *I'm* the Mary!

You're Mary! You're very sweet and you know how to
party. You tend to fall for a mind as opposed
to a body, which can get you tangled up with
older, married, and therefore unattainable
people.

Which Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

So's the life. . .

2004-09-07T10:03:49Z

It's been a while since I really updated this thing. And I guess, ya know, I haven't really even had the time to debrief myself to know what I would even write. But I'm feeling it now, so here it goes:

1. Travelling. There's been lots of it. There's going to continue to be lots of it until the end of the month. I'm heading back out to Chicago on Saturday. My mom and sis will be there! Wooohooo! I'm beyond excited. Then I get back and stay in town for about a week and a half. Then if all goes as planned, Patch and I are off to the grand ole lone star state to pick me up a CAR! That's right, I'm getting me a new (used) car. It's a gold Volvo. I'm happy. Then we road trip it back up here. It's going to be gooooood times indeed. We're so going to be businesswomen on this trip. If anyone needs to make a call, I've got a cell phone.

2. Work. I'm doing a lot of it. I am starting to become convinced that I only work in Seattle. I live elsewhere. I did get yelled at by a client tonight. It was great.

3. House. Loving it. I really really really need to clean my room. But to do so would mean entering into my anal phase where EVERYTHING must be cleaned. And since I don't have $$$ for laundry, it's a hopeless situation. So Friday, clean clothes, clean room, good clean fun.

4. Writing. Fucking fabulous. The show on Sunday night was incredible. I feel really honored to have been a part of that show. There were definitely some really intense times during the planning of it and during the show itself. Overall, I feel better for having done it. I even sold some of my lil chapbooks made specially for the show. And now I have a secret project that I'm going to start working on. . . heeheehee.

5. Surgery. I'm thinking I want to take this more seriously. It's becoming more pressing of an issue. I contacted the doctor I want to go to in Plano to see if I could set up a consultation with him. Now I just need to figure out how to get the $$$. If I could get someone to co-sign a loan I could probably pull it off within the year. Otherwise, I'm going to start looking into fundraising options. That just makes the time frame MUCH bigger.

Yeah. Now I'm going to try and sleep on break. That's a funny one.

Alright y'all. . .COME TO THIS!

2004-09-04T08:35:55Z

Announcing GENDER BENT! A sensational spoken word affair featuring 19 Bent writers on the themes of gender and sexuality! This one-time-only show will be on Sunday, September 5th at the Capitol Hill Arts Center, 1621 12th Avenue, from 8-10 PM (Doors at 7:30). Prepare to be roused, thrilled, riled up and incited to write your own gender manifestos! Tickets are limited, and available at the door for $10. We expect the show to sell out, so get there early!

Performers include: Patch Avery, Jaime Barber, Soulchilde Bluesun, Son’ Boothroyd, Cal Burnap, Rebecca Cooper, Jacob D’Annunzio, Matt Goldenberg, Chad Goller-Sojourner, Tara Hardy, Shira Hasson-Schiff, Amy Mahoney, Moorea Malaat, Kory Martin Damon, Zaedryn Meade, Sabrina Roach, Zan Scommodau, Taylor Xavier.

Walk along the lonely street of dreams. . .

2004-09-01T09:32:09Z

Wooooo! back at the shelter. Been doing a lot of housing project shifts lately. The shelter is now totally different and my favorite lil reporting office (the tiny one) is now surrounded by demolished walls. So when I look out my window I see a nice pile of crumbled drywall. It's kinda sad.

Fucking intense/good/exciting rehearsal tonight. I'm really excited about this show, y'all. There's a shit load of talent going into this. . . we're rocking the gender mic like it's never been rocked before.

SEATTLE PEOPLE: come to the GenderBent show!
It's going to be held at the Capital Hill Arts Center
doors at 7:30 (and it's gonna fill fast, so get there!)
it's some $, but I don't remember how much right now.

I'm going to be hosting it with the beautiful, talented, fabulous Tara Hardy.

In other news, it's back to the windy city for me in 10 short days. Gettin to see the ma and the sis is REALLY exciting! Wooohooo! I'm also excited about hot dogs. I'm not so excited about the $15 crap coffee they sell there though. But other than that, the trip is making me HAPPY! Wooo.

eyes open wide

2004-08-31T14:26:28Z

must . . . stay. . . awake. . .
just a little bit longer. . . how come the last 30 minutes of a graveyard shift go. so. slow?

i have successfully completed the sunday new york times crossword puzzle during this shift. woooo. being in a little room for almost 9 hours all by my lonesome has been very, very productive

that's my excitement for this shift. well, that and my co-worker taking a 3 1/2 journey to auburn all in the name of lending a hand to a woman that showed up on our doorsteps w/ her 2 y.o. son in the middle of the night in downtown seattle.

oh, and the guy that stood outside the door to my office for an hour and yelled at me. then he went across the street and threw packs of playing cards against street signs.

turns out jesus christ superstar is the only cd i have on me that will keep me awake right now.

fairisfair @ 2004-08-29T17:26:00

2004-08-30T00:30:00Z

the scar you're most proud of	that'd probably be the one i just got on my left palm. . . i tried to carve a stamp and wound up carving my hand. stiches fun.
your favourite condiment	mayo
if you have freckles	yes. and one on my bottom lip. i like that one a lot.
your preferred method of cooking	meat
what shoes you're wearing	black steel toe boots
how many children you have	one
the first person you french kissed	leslie? yeah, that sounds about right
your preferred breed of dog	luci
where you were born	plano, texas. yeeeeehaw!
what colour underwear you're wearing	black
where your keys are right now	in my bag. . . on-call keys in my pocket
if you have split ends	nope
when you last got laid	5 days ago
your opinion on airline food	it's silly, especially now. the "snacks" are all shit that makes you thirsty. and then they wait for hours before drinks come around. it's kinda of a sick thing
what cosmetic surgery you would consider	chest surgery. that's about it.
best kiddie playground equipment to have sex on	a slide. or swing.
your worst malady	diabetes
if your mum loves your dad	fortunately, i think she's over him for good
if you can sing well	nope, not really
what your olympic event would be	smoking
someone you admire	My sister
which country would be hardest for you to locate on a map	shit, all of em
the last time you cried	couple days ago. . . from pure exhaustion and confusion
your most interesting sexual congress location	church. several times.
part of the Sunday papers you read first	the funnies. then the crossword.
the languages you speak	english. that's about it.
the religion you were raised in	unitarian universalist
if you can draw well	nope
your favourite photograph	the one i took from the bottom of a spiral staircase in austria
what you should be doing instead of this	working. . . but this kind of is my job sometimes. . . sit in the office. . . be at the computer. . .i'm currently multi-tasking and listening to a client rant
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

fairisfair @ 2004-08-28T03:47:00

2004-08-28T10:49:17Z

*Religion Definition*
are you mono or polytheistic?	poly
do you subscribe to a major religion?	unitarian universalist
how do you feel about Jesus?	i think he was a pretty good guy, lots of good teachings. unfortunately the spirit of them got lost
what holy book do you feel is most accurate (Bible, Koran, etc)	eh, i don't know
do you believe in reincarnation?	yeah, in a way
do you believe in the traditional heaven and hell?	no
do you believe in ANY heaven and/or hell?	sure, it's what we make it
do you think the god(s) are vengeful or nice?	i don't really see them as either, i think in general they would go for the good, so i guess that's nice
do you believe in angels?	yeah
do you believe in miracles?	yeah
do you believe in predestination?	not really
do you believe in original sin?	nope
do you believe in freedom of will?	yeah
do you believe in souls?	yup.
what do you think will happen to you when you die?	hell if i know
do you think there will be an armageddon?	eh, no
why do you think we exist?	who the fuck knows
do you believe in life on other planets?	yeah
do you believe in evolution?	yeah
do you think religion and science will always oppose the other?	probably. they explain two entirely different questions. the how and why we exist.
what would you say to God if you met him/her/them today?	thanks
anything else we should know?	i'm really tired and filling this in only to stay awake. any and all answers are completely thoughtless.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

things i need to remember

2004-08-28T02:03:06Z

bad ideas:
working the shelter during a full moon
pulling two doubles within 48 hours to do so
having no money
or time

Gender Bent Show- Sep. 5th

2004-08-27T01:26:40Z

Announcing GENDER BENT! A sensational
spoken word affair featuring 19
Bent
writers on the themes of gender and sexuality!
This one-time-only show
will
be on Sunday, September 5th at the Capitol Hill
Arts Center, 1621 12th
Avenue, from 8-10 PM (Doors at 7:30). Prepare
to be roused, thrilled,
riled
up and incited to write your own gender
manifestos! Tickets are
limited,
and available at the door for $10. We expect the
show to sell out, so
get
there early!

Performers include: Patch Avery, Jaime Barber,
Soulchilde Bluesun, Son’
Boothroyd, Ken Bowman, Cal Burnap, Rebecca
Cooper, Jacob D’Annunzio,
Chad
Goller, Tara Hardy, Shira Hasson-Schiff, Amy
Mahoney, Moorea Malaat,
Kory
Martin Damon, Zaedryn Meade, Sabrina Roach,
Zan Scommodau, Taylor
Xavier.

Gender Bent is organized by Bent Writing Institute
in conjunction with
FTM
2004: A Gender Odyssey. For more information
about Bent, email
wordyfemme@hotmail.com. For more information
about the FTM 2004
conference,
check out www.transconference.org.

D'oh!

2004-08-26T01:55:37Z

I'm back!!! (I will post a lengthy "how my trip went" post later. . .but for now, it's HOROSCOPE TIME!)

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The astrologer Forest Fickling did a
statistical study of 50,000 people, analyzing the data to determine
which
signs were the best and worst in various categories. He found that
Capricorns work the hardest, accomplish the most in the shortest time,
and daydream the least. But I hope you'll rebel against these natural
inclinations in the coming weeks. Between now and September 16, I
think
you'll achieve the greatest success possible if you daydream a lot
more and
don't work as hard as usual.

Funny, I just calculated that I have almost 100 hours of work within the next two weeks. good thing i can daydream at my job.

cause i'm on vacation and missin all of you. . .

2004-08-20T22:44:59Z

Post a memory of me.
It can be anything you want.
Then post this to your journal.
See what people remember of you.

Who the hell are Dendrophiliacs?

2004-07-30T06:46:39Z

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn

Your name:

Weapon of Choice:

Laser gun

Your Favorite Target:

Dendrophiliacs

Your Kill Count:

1,462,649,665

Your Battle Cry:

"Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?"

Years You Spend in Jail:

How Much Money In Damages You Cause:

$312,251,835,910,617

Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 50%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

SHELTER QUOTES!

2004-07-29T04:44:51Z

"lady, i've got a problem with my baaaaaaaalllllllls"

"someday i'm gonna come and sex on you"

"he was a hit and run. i hit it and quit it."

SEATTLE AND OLY!!! COME TO THIS!

2004-07-28T10:17:59Z

Bent Writing Institute announces its third semi-annual Student Showcase
featuring writers Michelle Tea, Justin Chin and Bent students. “Two
Nights,
Two Mentors” will be held at Re-Bar, 1114 Howell Street Seattle, WA,
98101.
Tel. 206-233-9873. Michelle Tea will read with Bent students on August
1st
and Justin Chin will read with Bent students on August 2nd, 2004.
Doors at
7:00pm, show at 7:30 both nights. Tickets are $6-10, sliding scale,
available at the
door.

Michelle Tea and Justin Chin will also present writing workshops on
Tuesday,
August 3rd, from 6-9PM. Cost is $15 for one, or $20 for both. To sign
up
in advance, email wordyfemme@hotmail.com. We expect these to sell out!

Open Letters

2004-07-23T09:13:15Z

Dear Time,

Please pause indefinitely so I can sleep.

Thanks.

Dear July 31st,

You are taking a long ass time to get here. Please hurry it up.

Dear Writing,

Where the fuck did you go? I miss you when you're not around.

Dear House,

I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I will clean you and give you good tenant lovin as soon as I can.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

2004-07-22T21:48:27Z

Hey, Patch. . . . guess we're having some friends for "dinner", eh?

Whoa

2004-07-22T06:05:14Z

I just realized my mom is leaving Texas.

Like leaving Texas for good.

And Justin's leaving Texas.

(thank god he's moving here!)

This is fucking with my head so much I've kind of ignored it.

When will it hit home that my mom isn't simply on vacation in Detroit but that SHE LIVES THERE??

This is weird.

My mom hasn't lived *anywhere* besides Plano since I was born.

Whoa.

I am sleep deprived in a MAJOR way. And there isn't going to be a long stretch of sleep in the near foreseeable future. In fact, I am giving up on ever sleeping again and putting myself on a caffeine IV.

fairisfair @ 2004-07-20T00:46:00

2004-07-20T07:53:10Z

fuck friendster and its "scheduled maintenance". how the hell am i supposed to waste the next bagillion hours at the shelter?

today has been loooong. went to the doctor today and she kind of started the "weight loss and excercise" blah blah blah blah "diabetic" blah blah blah blah. after showing me that my hemoglobin a1c is just a tiny, tiny bit high (and i've been having sugar w/in the past couple months, so it was actually a helluva lot lower than i thought). but i am now getting a free! sample of testosterone gel, so we'll see how that goes. and i'll be getting another vial in the mail sometime soon-ish. so, back on the schedule again! i've been rather inconsistent and ya know, i'm sick of it.

i have exactly 8 days left of the clinic job. . . crazy. i've been there for 2 1/2 years. but it is so time to move on. even though i'm probably going to have days of missing it.

and then. . . the big summer vacation kicks in!!!! holy crap am i excited. i haven't had a BIG SUMMER VACATION like this in a long, long time.

other than that, it's all work, some play, making me a very very tired boy.

My love has come along. . .

2004-07-18T14:21:08Z

Okay, y'all, I saw CYNDI LAUPER last night. I stood outside the venue on the sidewalk, really, but i did SEE her. But the best part was HEARING her. . . holy shit, she is my queen.

Highlights:
*Opening w/ cover of At Last
*Sisters of Avalon
*a "French" version of She-Bop (she continuously said that it was "sung in French because I'm sophisticated now") apparently "in French" means to a waltz beat with an accordion (which sounds fuckin awesome, btw)
*I DROVE ALL NIGHT
*True Colors (complete w/ shout out to PFLAG while wearing a rainbow flag draped over her shoulders)
*her son (who's maybe 7 or so) coming out onstage with her to play the drums. CUUUUUUUUUTE. .. he even had a bit of a diva moment

then I had to go to work. But seriously, I saw Cyndi!

I guess I had a lot to say

2004-07-17T16:52:30Z

So after a week of being semi-laid up, I think I am re-emerging. Yesterday I woke up and was able to get out of bed at normal speed, without much pain. And when I walked, I did not have to put on my dirty ole man role. This was very exciting.

Last night I hung out with a really good friend and reconnected and wrote and ate a burger. It was really, really good. Lots of important things came up in the course of writing, and in a way I think we were discussing our own stories with each other as we were working on a duet. Things that we had never really articulated to each other before that cleared some stuff up. Then I went to the housing project (seriously, I am falling in love with this place) at midnight. It was a BUSY night for the pad. We have a new resident who brought us her autobiography when she moved in. It is one of the most beautiful things I have seen in a long time. It's 4 office depot legal pads full of writing that is taped in and decorated along with 2 spiral notebooks taped together full of a story-collage made from newspaper headlines. I spent the first 2 hours of my shift reading the beginnings of her story. Really, really intense. It got me thinking about the position of mental illness in our society and where we draw the lines between functional and non-functional. And how we severely underserve both in our society. This woman believes she is a prophet. Actually, she believes she is the second coming of Christ. She, Tony Blair, and George W. Bush are alligned in a Holy Trinity that is destined to revolutionize the world. Now, at first this sounded like the most insane thing I have heard in a long time, but she begins to talk about how it is Bush's destiny to make America fall before we can begin the process of revolution. Actually makes sense, ya know? There are parts of her story where I'm reminded that she really is mentally ill, but there are incredibly brilliant parts of her that those that dismiss her would never get to know. And in this work I come across this all the time. It saddens me. I guess the underservicing thing is what is really getting to me lately. Because the organization I work for is one of the best I've ever heard of, and we do the fucking best we can, but there are times when people slip through the cracks. A client that I met maybe a little more than a month ago committed suicide last week. He had been voicing suicidal thoughts ever since he came to the shelter, in fact my first interaction with him he brought them up. We tried to keep an eye on him, to talk to him, to provide him the services that he needed, to get him some type of help. But even with all of this he wound up killing himself.
I guess that's one thing that haunts me more than anything. . . I am really fucking sick and tired of suicide. I remember the first time a friend of mine committed suicide, I was in 7th grade, he in 8th. One night he shot himself. The rumor in the school was that he had done it because he was fat and couldn't take the ridicule anymore. Since then I've lost 3 others. One for being gay, one for being drunk, one for being genderqueer. I'm tired of it.
Okay, end of that rant.
Other things that happened at the house tonight: the cops were called by a client because her tobacco had been "stolen" from her room. So I got a nice mock-lecture from the cops about stealing client's tobacco. The vibe from the officers sickened me. They were mocking this client's illness. She's incredibly delusional, and sometimes it is kinda funny what she comes up with, but those are the times that she verbally acknowledges that something's not quite right. But the cops were patronizing, and it felt that they were trying to establish some type of buddy-buddy relationship with me because we were all subject to the annoyances of this client. And it pissed me off. Because, yes, this client can be annoying, and yes, she is quite often a little off, but I am not nor will not be placed against her. Her word is still worthy of listening to, even if it's her illness talking. I feel strangely protective of her.
Then around 4am this morning one of our alarms went off, waking up about half of the clients and causing small chaos. we finally got it turned off after about 20 minutes and all was restored to calmness.

Today there's a big rally going on b/c the governor's are gonna be in town. At 7 am they started blocking off the streets. The news was interviewing a pedestrian who was trying to do some "downtown shopping" and they asked her how she felt about the large police presence. She said she felt safer with them there. And I felt sick. Thank you, corporate media, for implying that a dissenting opinion is violent.

call me a thief if you must

2004-07-16T08:04:39Z

This is the problem with LJ; we all think we are close, yet we know very little about each other.

I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about.

Then post this meme in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.

validate me

2004-07-14T19:21:02Z

*KW8TRVPY2OBUF73NGNO52VF5DWM8B9DG*

Because it's been a long time. . .

2004-07-14T18:16:54Z

So today I'm doing the final move of crap from the West Seattle house to the new pad, so I think that today is going to be a whole new resettling. . . finalizing, all that. Out with the old, in with the new if you will.

So I'm feeling the need to actually update the journal about my actual-non-horoscope life. (although i might slip in a horoscope if it's good enough).

Here it goes:
1. love. (and this is the big one, y'all) I'm falling. Hard. And it's scaring me and is really, really exciting. Much more exciting than scary, actually, but ya know. I've never been on the recieving end with this much intensity. I've been so used to giving, giving, giving. And now it's mutual. I'm being matched, if not exceeded. And I love love love it. I don't know how it's all going to play out, but I'm loving the ride. It's a fucking great one. (dare I say life-changing? yep, I said it.)

2. abode. the house is going well, I'm procrastinating the setting up of it. I think getting all my crap over here will help in that. cause then I can just do it all in one. big. bang.

3. pain pills. my tooth has stopped hurting and i am again able to fit my fist in my mouth. however, my back has now become completely fucked up and i'm walking around like an old, old man. kinda hot, but it doesn't feel real hot. after last night, i think it might be my bed that is fucking it up. when i began to discuss it w/ roshi she said "oh, you mean the rock?" maybe my back is needing something softer? luckily, i have a mattress in w. seattle that i can throw on top and experiment with.

4. writing. i need to do it. i've been dry for the past month. most likely because of the chaos that has been my life is not letting me go far into the writing mode. i also haven't been driving, which is where i do most of my writing. or at least my down time to think about pieces. maybe i need to find a new way/place to go to the muses. it's summer, maybe i'll hit the lake.

5. travelling. i'm doing it. nomy's coming in on the 31st, we head out of here on the 3rd to go to oly for homoagogo. then we leave on the 9th (?) to go to chicago. if lucky, we'll be passing justin on his way to seattle and we might have a back-alley encounter somewhere in billings, montana. wooo! in chicago for a while, go to camp trans for a night or so and perform. i've invited my mom to come meet me at camp since she will have moved to detroit by then and has never seen me perform. she is thinking about it. then back to chicago until at least the 18th. i still have no real plan back to seattle, but it'll happen in it's own time. (seattle people. . . i AM coming back to seattle, don't freak on me. . .i just haven't made the proper arrangements yet)

6. Horoscope. (it demands a make over, so I have to post it) All this talk leaves you eager for action, but everyone may just keep on talking. Strike out and formulate your own conversation. Take what you need and discard the rest. Accept this situation and strengthen your plans for next week. Your luck can change if you let it. Don't hang onto a way of doing things simply because it's familiar. You deserve far better. Restore your vitality with a pep talk and a makeover. Take charge of your life again.

7. that's all. for now.

i'm not planning on going solo

2004-07-05T03:16:24Z

i decided that my act of patriotism today would be to go see farenheit 9/11. damn, that's a good movie. it should be required viewing for anyone that is an eligible voter this year. and everyone else, too.

i'm at the housing project tonight. the residents are abuzz cause we're having ice cream sundaes to celebrate the 4th. and we'll have a pretty good view of the fireworks.

i've got wham! playing on the stereo right now. somebody tell me. . .

roshi and i are now in the new pad. it's so fucking nice. i'm loving it madly. i think there'll be a housewarming party soon, anyone up for it?

yesterday was really nice. . hung out with the queer writers at the beach. dimitri and jamie. . . seriously, breakfast.

(and i'm fucking smitten as all hell . . . how many days til august?)